Some funny musings from my oddball brain to give you some laughs during this strange time where we are all locked away in our houses pretending we don’t know each other. Honestly, if I wasn’t a frighteningly outgoing extrovert (I can be an “Event”); the other side of me would just stay nestled up in my house by myself happily everyday not talking to anyone….I guess I am the perfect definition of a Gemini (as if you couldn’t tell already): I like to write an angry rant one day and funny “essays” the next….I like to keep everyone on their toes; I don’t want lazy friends.
I will say that I think Seattle was already practicing this isolation or “Social Distancing” (and by the way, what a goofy term we are now using so regularly…almost as bad as “Conscious Uncoupling”…but this is what we’ve come to); so as I was saying, Seattle was already practicing ignoring each other as far as I could tell. We noticed that they don’t make eye contact. It’s weird, we come from the land of “Friendly”, and I find it weird to pass someone on the street with (or without a dog), and not strike up a conversation or just at least say “Hi”… I mean come on; we’re “dog people” and don’t “dog people” talk to EVERYONE? We’re literally on the same sidewalk…did you really not notice my adorable dog walking by in her purple sweater and diamond encrusted collar???? I’m proud to say that in Montana everyone knows everyone and their brother, even if they don’t know everyone and their brother, they still know everyone and their brother. No one in MT is a stranger, so I can’t wait to go home to my people/our people.
After being cooped up in our VRBO like sardines for a month, my mom and I are turning in to “Gladys Kravitz” from Bewitched, but aren’t we all? Seriously! Don’t tell me you aren’t glancing out your windows and wondering what’s going on outside, next door, down the street. Honestly, there is a nice black Jaguar that hasn’t been moved in a month…every morning, Mimi looks out the kitchen window and sizes up the situation and says, ”I tell you, I need to go find out who owns that car, and find out why they haven’t moved it!” It’s parked next to a run down old house a few doors down; I’m pretty sure it’s a crack house! The siding is literally blowing around in the wind and rain, and slapping against the house like shutters. There’s an old 1970s beat up camper parked in the driveway under a tall, pathetic looking tree. Someone has nailed a rickety old handmade ladder to the tree, and it teases you to climb up even though it leads to nowhere. I imagine there was once a nice little treehouse up above it before Walter White drove up in his “meth machine” and parked it in the driveway under the tree. An older guy comes and goes from the house to the camper, sometimes with a paper bag cocktail. He stumbled around the tree which left my parents in total fascination as they watched out the window making up stories about said drunk guy. But the most puzzling part is a relatively decent looking female drove up in a clean white sedan one day and went into the house. Now I was the one making up the stories and wondered if she dropped by to pick up drugs all the time, or just that day.
Across the street is a guy that comes and goes with his black dog in a green Subaru, (dog + Subaru = Montana) so I’m thinking maybe he’s from Montana; I decide I like him. But just Monday he drove up with his dog, they got out of the car with 2 bags from Chick-Fil-A and suddenly I heard myself say,”Ok, who does that asshole think he is to leave his house for fast food!??!” And, “Dammit, I think he has fries!” So I decided we are no longer friends. He definitely isn’t from Montana.
It turns out the neighbor in front of us grew up in Missoula, and guess what…wait for it…he’s FRIENDLY!!!! Yep, I said, it, he was instantly nice! When we first got here; he came out to his porch when I was walking around with my dog. He came outside and said, “Hi, I’m Jason” and I instantly felt like I “verbal vomited” about our story, and why we’re here. Why did I do that? I could have just told him, ”Hi, I’m Kelly”, but nooo, I had to share about our “Family Kidney Vacation”. I’m sure I nervously shared too much, and now he felt obligated to say,”Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, that’s a big deal for your family.” But he was so nice; it was refreshing. I think I overshared in advance to let him know what to expect with us, like; ”Hey, if all of us look like hell, haven’t brushed our hair, are walking around outside in our pajamas looking like we belong on the “Island of Misfit Toys”; cut us some slack because it might not be pretty!” So I’m sure I painted a very appealing picture. In any case, he was a good sport.
The lady next to us has been working endlessly on her yard doing landscaping which makes me feel like a slacker. I also want to say to her, “What day is it and what season is it?” I’m so confused anymore; everyday is Saturday and I’m having trouble remembering when I’ve showered.
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