I am Nancy.

I am Nancy…..because I have no reason not to be. I am anyone someone needs me to be at a given time EVERY DAY….I’ve been called, ”Head honcho”, “Boss lady”, “two faced”, “Ma’am”, but my favorite is simply ”Nancy”. I know a lady with Dementia who I love so much, she is just precious to me, and to her I am “Nancy”. I would NEVER correct her or tell her otherwise that I am “Kelly” because it is just so inconsequential anymore…she is familiar with “Nancy” and that is who I will be until she is no longer with us. At times, I will be in my office and hear her in the hallway asking someone where Nancy is; the staff is often puzzled and says, ”We don’t have a Nancy here”, then I have to pipe in and say, “Hey, it’s me…I’m Nancy”. Instantly my friend’s face goes from panic that Nancy is no longer here, to relief that Nancy is standing in front of her. We continue on to have a conversation that makes no sense…no sense to me, but perfect sense to my friend. Perhaps my friend is feeling that day that she needs to get her oven on to bake for the holiday, or that she has to go round up her cows….either way, we discuss those plans as if they are cemented in the schedule..they are deep rooted and there is no way to convince my friend otherwise. I find pure enjoyment and pleasure in hearing about how she will go out and get chickens to butcher for dinner for when the family comes, or how she will bake cookies and sweet rolls. Her years of living life on a farm, and tending to her animals have not slipped away. It’s comforting to me that her brain stays locked on those facts, and selfishly, I get to hear some neat things that I never once experienced in my now seemingly mundane life. I also find it somewhat comforting for families when their loved ones’ memories have faded because many times they feel, ”At least they are pleasantly confused and don’t know what’s going on, or that they are in a nursing home”. It is true because most of our folks have been raised on a farm or a ranch, and if they were truly aware of where they were; they would become horribly depressed. The folks that don’t have Dementia, and their bodies are just wearing out, but their brains are cognitively intact; are the ones that often have a hard time with the process of moving into a nursing home. They are the ones that I go home at night and worry about. It is often hard to disconnect from these folks. Many of us are living our lives through them, and feeling that closeness we’ve had with our own grandparents. I would say that most of us working in a nursing home cherish the time we get to spend with these delightful, loving people. On the other hand, there are some people whom have lived a life of negativity, mean spiritedness and ugliness, but Dementia is sometimes the great equalizer….it can level that “playing field” faster than you can blink. Grown children find themselves being kind, loving and caring towards a parent that was never very loving or thoughtful to them, and that is hard to watch. It is sometimes wrenching for them to care for a parent who was downright rude, thoughtless or mentally/verbally abusive to them. Dementia tries to wash away that anger and sadness that the son or daughter has felt all these years. Dementia took away that mean person and deposited a confused and friendly, unknowing person for them to help mold daily into a different human each day now…I am continually fascinated by this and in awe of family members who have successfully learned that “dance”…that “I can’t stand you, but I hate to admit that I’m starting to like you now”. Many people would say Dementia is destructive and terrible, and I absolutely agree; however, it can also be a lifesaver, a family relationship mender and an equalizer….I know that’s hard to see, but trust me…there are two sides to this devastating disease…it depends on where you started. God bless those lovely, simplified people who struggle with Dementia everyday….they give me purpose, and I am grateful for my time with them and their families. I, for one, will be very sad one day when I am no longer “Nancy”….I guess you never know what’s in store….maybe I’ll be a “Vivian” or a “Sandy” or better yet….a “Tommy”, then things will really start to get exciting! AMEN!!! Thank you friend!